These Feelings

As I stare at these thoughts and feelings on things

I feel the tension surrounding me

Like the weight of the shoulder that I am told that I am not

Good enough to be where I am

Who I am

What I do with my life

And these feelings I have to keep because

After being scruinitized with people making me feel a little insecure

I have to learn how to walk on by and be well ignornant, vigilant

I am tired of letting these emotions eat me inside

But I am slowly getting tired to share these feelings with the world

After the many years of it being used against me

I stare into these thoughts

Into these thoughts that agitate me

That irritate me.

I feel like I can’t run away from it all,

Because it’s there

Like a monster ready to eat me alive

And what I once thought I could share I can’t anymore

After the seriousness and the sarcasm that is used

I have to turn myself into some angry person

But the light I helped built

I partially almost destroyed and almost destroyed myself in the process

And it this pains me to see

How I tend to forget I can be destructive I could be

How emotionally drained I could be

How I thought I changed

Only to learn that there are still demons lying within me

And how I can make others who care

Just shut the world out

Just tired at seeing how to fix these feelings

It just took one person to see that through it all

They gave me insight where others who don’t know failed to see

Told me that I could be vulnerable again

But I find it difficult at times because what people didn’t know

What happened to me in the past I was shamed, used and scandalized

Against using my feelings and it blinded me into darkness

The monsters I tried to burry inside dug me in a whole that I never thought I had

Remerged, I prenteded things were alright but the support system that I thought

I had was just the weight of the world trying to shut me down.

The world of pursuing happiness at times

I tend to burn down

And sometimes I fail to see

That facade of trying to burry it all

I can’t do because it is all emotionally secretly taking a toll on me.

May be these feelings need a light to be shun on me

To burry these demons of criticism I need to some how

Need to write it all down

At the end of the day this is my secret therapy

When I can’t tell anyone how I truly feel

I got these poetry pages to let it all out

Deep within me I cry

But I must hold a hardline because I get tired

To cry it all out.

 

I need to release these bottled up feelings

That I have been harvesting within out to the world

And sure may be I may be criticized for letting people read into my world

Because I know that some where someone out there is going through the same thing

It’s hard to share feelings when people see these post and ask you to take it down

Because they feel that others think you’re crazy to write how you feel online

Publically but sometimes these are the only places besides the pages of a journal

Or other art forms to share to the world when no one can save you but yourself

With no one to help you out without feeling critized that what you do is wrong.

 

These are my feelings

The peace I seek when I feel like I have no where to turn

The pages of my poetry

And may be a light that I can trust for the person who loves me dearly

Through it all can help me find a light in the tunnel

That I thought I lost a long time ago

Hopefully can bring me out of the darkness that I have been foreshadowing for

A very long time.

I am still trying to sure for peace

And less agitation in my life

And frustations and in order to keep busy with other things

So I don’t get bored, just always got to be doing something to calm me down.

 

Thanks to the light for being truthful tonight,

It’s taken me awhile for my mistakes

To show what I can do can be harmful

And shames me to have to hide it within because I feel like they don’t get it

What I do or what I represent for things that make me happy and

Have peace with the turmoil I have burried around me.

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