Working and posting

Now this I will admit. Yes taxes and the economy and job creation sucks! I’m getting a lot of pressure from people around me to pay up or lose out. I’m struggling so hard and I am constantly making mistakes by financially trying to borrow money from places and struggling to pay it back. Phone calls by creditors and other places have called me constantly. Family members are pressuring for all the lost money I don’t have to pay them because they are helping me.

I don’t want to admit to anyone what I’ve actually done to my credit rating. I’m annoyed, frustrated and getting taxed out by the government constantly. I’m struggling to get back into good standing. I’m forced to push my own bills back to get others to stop annoying the living crap out of me because they are helping me to get through this difficult time. I’m work full time and well my shifts in retail are slowing down and still have lone sharks and government people asking me to pay them back for money I don’t have. I’m just a mess right now and in all honesty. Every time I make a right, it’s wrong. I think a lot of people are asking me too many questions where my money goes and I refused to answer. No, I don’t want to say anything. I rather keep that to myself.

Plus, my loved ones think what I’m doing is a “waste of time” by spending a lot of time on the internet by posting video’s and posting blogs here with no monetary reward. I’m doing this for my sanity and hoping in the near future it will get me somewhere. I think I could be wasting time playing on the computer or something like that but NO I’m posting things online because well it keeps me sane and helps me to function daily. For those people who do it – they get it: it’s a occupying sanity release and coping with whatever their work is. I don’t get why it has to be so shunned out of just posting things online from family members being a taboo of wastefulness. I guess with the generational gap there seems to be a misunderstanding that working to post things can be lucky for discovery for something in the future. I guess a lot of the older generation thinks it’s just stupid and a waste of time of a human beings experience.

I’ve been doing this for a long time and get constantly corrected and watched what I’m told what to say. Well you know what f@#k it, too bad if you think this is just wastefulness to you. I do this for most people who just understand it all. It’s not a escapism to not be matured or professional – it’s to keep going when our work is just too much at times and really don’t want to talk to others about what’s really bothering you because it can be used against you. I think that when we post things it’s to share the experience may be what others are experiencing privately and may be the whole world may get it, may be they don’t.

I feel that what I post is useful to society full of people who feel misunderstood or just outsiders always looking in. Privacy is a loss art and when you post it, you realize that you aren’t the only one. The struggle is to get others to understand what you do isn’t a waste of time but time that is useful for utilizing what it takes to be human and not a slum.

What frustrates me the most about posting things is that there is always going to be a fine line of people who get what you do isn’t just a hobby but is a lifestyle to keep you humane. Whether you agree with me or not on why you post is a total opinion on how you see it. I think that posting is worth every couple of hours of some kind of interaction with the world when you feel others don’t get you. Others do!

As for my struggle to survive – I try to manage it daily.

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